Senior Shoplifter

Shoplifters are something that all retail workers have dealt with. But it always surprises me how dumb some shoplifters can be.

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Every store gets shoplifted, but there's something particularly annoying about the fact that the store where I work gets hit as often as it does. This is because, in a women's consignment store, all of the merchandise is used and therefore very reasonably priced, and it also belongs to people. If the merchandise in the store doesn't sell, it's either returned to whoever brought it in, or it's donated to a local women's charity. So to me, stealing from our store is like stealing from someones closet or from a charity, all mixed into one-- basically, whoever does it is automatically going to hell.

Shoplifters come in all shapes and sizes, but one of the most brazen was an elderly grandmother who stole a very expensive ring. She came in with her daughter and grandchildren, and in very broken English asked to please see the rings in the jewelery case. As she was looking through them, one of the grandchildren began screaming at the top of their lungs, stunning all by-standers and distracting the girl behind the counter. During this moment of mayhem, the elderly woman quickly slipped the most expensive of the rings into her pocket, thanked the salesgirl for showing her the rings, and promptly ushered her daughter and her no-longer-screaming grandchild out of the store. It wasn't until later in the day that my co-worker realized that one of the rings was missing, and realized what must have happened. She had been duped-- the screaming grandchild was the perfect distraction, in order for the elderly woman to pull of her perfect petty crime.

However, the elderly woman wasn't as savvy as she thought she was. (Either that, or she simply doubted the intelligence of the entire staff of the store.) The following week, she returned to the store, again with her daughter and grandchild in toe, and approached the jewelery case to look at the new items. She reached out to point to a particularly pretty necklace, again asking in broken English to see it, when the manager realized that the elderly woman was WEARING the stolen ring. She quickly told the elderly woman not to move, and asked her to please return the stolen ring and leave the store. The elderly woman began frantically murmuring that she "Did not speak English" while obviously trying to plan her escape. Sensing danger, her daughter and granddaughter had already left the store, and the elderly woman's eyes frantically darted around the store, trying to plan her escape. My manager, understanding that the elderly woman wasn't going to cooperate, finally said, "You may not understand me, but do you understand the word 'police officer'? Because that's who I'm going to call next." The elderly woman froze, and in perfect English said, "That I do understand," then promptly removed the ring, and left, never to be heard from again.