Bare Breast Bitch Fest

When you work in a women's clothing store, you get used to dealing with a lot of children in your environment. Women often shop with their little kids, and beyond having to clean up a few more sticky fingerprints and cracker crumbs after they leave, they rarely cause any problems. However, one afternoon a young woman brought her two small children shopping with her-- a 2 year old boy and his older sister-- and all hell broke loose.

At this point, I'd like to pause and stress the fact that this story isn't about terrible little children. With a lead-up such as the one presented above, you may be thinking that this story is about some snot-nosed brat's meltdown, but the true antagonist of this store is actually a woman in her early 60s who did not have a sense of humor, any control over her temper, and apparently didn't have a soul.

As the young woman began to shop, she let her children sit down next to our basket of children's books to read, which, for the most part, is exactly what they did. But as their mother shopped, the two-year-old boy began to grow antsy, and began running in and out of the curtained dressing rooms, one of which was occupied by the soulless 60 yr-old who was decidedly NOT amused by this. She began to yell at the little boy, telling him his actions were "Inappropriate!" and that he should be "Ashamed!" Since the little boy was only 2, and probably didn't understand, let alone care what the crotchety old woman said to him, he continued to poke his head into her dressing room, giggling madly all the while.

Finally, the 60 yr-old snapped, and started screaming, "My BARE BREASTS are exposed and you're PEERING in at me! Stop this at once!" She then proceeded to hastily cover her "bare breasts" and yell at my manager that she was "HUMILIATED", wanted a phone apology from the owners of the store, and insisted on having the children's books moved as far as possible away from the fitting rooms. At this point, the little boy's mother tried to intervene and apologize on behalf of her little son, as well as reassure the woman that her boy was only 2, and wasn't ogling her. To this, the Bare Breast woman responded by screaming in the woman's face that, "Children develop memories by 2, and she didn't want her bare breasts to be one of his! (the little boy's)." The mortified mother, in an effort to defend her son, began yelling back at Bare Breasts, and a high-volume screaming match ensued. Eventually, the mom threw her two young kids into their stroller, called Bare Breasts a "crazy bitch" and left the store.

It may seem like Bare Breasts won in the end, but after all of the other patrons witnessed the yelling match, and sided with the very embarrassed young mother, Bare Breasts was literally intimidated out of the store. Every woman in their began an intense assault of evil-eye attacks, and the Bare Breasted woman grew so uncomfortable she left-- but only after insisting one more time to my manager that she be formally apologized to for her "ordeal" and left her card at the front desk.

Senior Shoplifter

Shoplifters are something that all retail workers have dealt with. But it always surprises me how dumb some shoplifters can be.

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Every store gets shoplifted, but there's something particularly annoying about the fact that the store where I work gets hit as often as it does. This is because, in a women's consignment store, all of the merchandise is used and therefore very reasonably priced, and it also belongs to people. If the merchandise in the store doesn't sell, it's either returned to whoever brought it in, or it's donated to a local women's charity. So to me, stealing from our store is like stealing from someones closet or from a charity, all mixed into one-- basically, whoever does it is automatically going to hell.

Shoplifters come in all shapes and sizes, but one of the most brazen was an elderly grandmother who stole a very expensive ring. She came in with her daughter and grandchildren, and in very broken English asked to please see the rings in the jewelery case. As she was looking through them, one of the grandchildren began screaming at the top of their lungs, stunning all by-standers and distracting the girl behind the counter. During this moment of mayhem, the elderly woman quickly slipped the most expensive of the rings into her pocket, thanked the salesgirl for showing her the rings, and promptly ushered her daughter and her no-longer-screaming grandchild out of the store. It wasn't until later in the day that my co-worker realized that one of the rings was missing, and realized what must have happened. She had been duped-- the screaming grandchild was the perfect distraction, in order for the elderly woman to pull of her perfect petty crime.

However, the elderly woman wasn't as savvy as she thought she was. (Either that, or she simply doubted the intelligence of the entire staff of the store.) The following week, she returned to the store, again with her daughter and grandchild in toe, and approached the jewelery case to look at the new items. She reached out to point to a particularly pretty necklace, again asking in broken English to see it, when the manager realized that the elderly woman was WEARING the stolen ring. She quickly told the elderly woman not to move, and asked her to please return the stolen ring and leave the store. The elderly woman began frantically murmuring that she "Did not speak English" while obviously trying to plan her escape. Sensing danger, her daughter and granddaughter had already left the store, and the elderly woman's eyes frantically darted around the store, trying to plan her escape. My manager, understanding that the elderly woman wasn't going to cooperate, finally said, "You may not understand me, but do you understand the word 'police officer'? Because that's who I'm going to call next." The elderly woman froze, and in perfect English said, "That I do understand," then promptly removed the ring, and left, never to be heard from again.